"Automatic Eyes" Send a Geyser up my Ass!!!!

Automatic flushers, automatic soap dispensers, automatic paper towel dispensers, toilet seat covers & tiny squares of toilet paper!









Those are just a few of the bizarre inventions I encounter on a daily bases while on the road with my hubby that make me think…who is watching me?












For instance, I go into a rest room, place one of those paper toilet seat protector things on the seat as I am terrified to catch some Smurf Village on my keester! Even though I have that protective barrier I still hover above the toilet careful not to touch the seat. Then the darn toilet's "eyeball" somehow recognizes movement & flushes! Which in turns sends a whoosh of water up my ass! I frantically try to remain balanced , which is not easy for my dizzy birdness, I grab for the toilet paper to wipe the geyser that just blew up in my butt. The toilet paper is tiny little sheets no bigger than 2 inches! I know my neine is not that small & face it, most Americans carry a booty. How in the sand hill is a little piece of TP going to ever suffice? So I'm gathering as many sheets as I possibly can by now & the toilet's "eye" decides to flush yet again! Once again a geyser rushes to my ass cheeks! I want to scream at this "eye" & say, "listen @*@* (insert your own colorful word here), I'll flush you when I'm done doing my business!" I then proceed to wipe, feeling disgusted about the water spraying up my butt!












Of course after that gross ordeal I have to wash my hands. The "eye" in the faucet decides when to give me water by my movements. Even then the water is cold, but it will do. Great, then the damn soap is automatic. After waving my hand a couple times under it's "eye" I get disgusted & wave at it frantically & gobs of slimey liquid goes into my hand. Great, now I can clean my hands with cold water! That is if it recognizes me again, the lady waving her crazy sudsy hands!
Ok, that chore being done I have to dry & even the damn paper towel dispenser has a "eye"! Out comes a little piece of brown paper. Of course my hands are still sopping wet not to mention slightly sudsy. If these "eye's" on these units were so good ya think they would have saw my sudsy hands!












What is up with these "eye's" anyways & who tarnation is watching me while I take care of Mother Nature? Can they see my bare butt & my eliminations?
I dunno, but it creeps me out a bit!