Stepping outside the box

While reading "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert while traveling down country roads in Minnesota, I ran across this quote: "It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody elses life with perfection."

Firstly, I highly recommend this book. It has opened my eyes and heart even more so. Secondly, this quote spoke to me. Rather, it screamed to me. I read it over and over, and over again. Then I'd look out the window and think. Then I'd try to begin reading and my eyes kept going to this particular sentence.

Ken and I as a couple have been going through some pretty deep stuff. We still have some pretty not too swell days since our niece left our home. I struggle on days with what I should be doing, what I want to do and what we are doing. I do not regret our decision to let Joy go and I never have. I just miss her immensely. There has never been any other child who felt "just right" like she did.

Both Ken and I have been reflecting on what we want to do with our lives, and how we can get there. We know that the life we are living right now is not what we inspire to do. But yet we continue and sprinkle a few of our core values and inspirations in our lives when it's possible and live the "American dream."

We live rather comfortably. Meaning, bills are paid and we can go to a movie or play or out to dinner a couple times a month. Can we splurge and go on some exotic vacation on a whim? No. And that is alright with us. I admire Ken because he is on the path in life that he has always dreamed to do. He has always wanted to be a truck driver. He also has strong feelings toward a country lifestyle. Having a hobby farm, a large garden, raising animals...being self sufficient.

I also have many of those dreams...minus the raising of farm animals. Well chickens would be fine. We'd use those for eggs. But to feed an animal only to have to butcher it does not appeal to me one bit. No, I'm not a vegetarian but there is no way I could bulk up an animal day after day and then serve it for dinner. This is a big area where Ken and I differ.

I sometimes find myself letting go or putting my dreams on the back burner so Ken can chase his. That's one area that this quote was calling my name. I need to allow myself to chase some of my dreams. I know Ken would support me 1000000000%

Another area is on what people expect from me and what I allow myself to be. In certain areas I am sacrificing my destiny and living what people would see as a perfect life. I need to do things for myself and allow myself to chase my dreams...whatever they may be. No, I'm not gong through some mid 30's crisis or any other type of change. Ken and I both have these feelings of always doing what feels right or what people may expect from us. We've come to this realization after having Joy in our home for those few days and then making the choice/sacrifice to let her go. We had no other choice but to let our dream of having a family go, even though we had numerous people telling us to stick it out, everything will work out, they wanted another family member...we had to let that dream die...and never revisit that dream again.

With that dream dying we have realized many different things we want to do in life. We want to live in the country, have the big organic garden, be self sufficient, get rid of the nonsense of clutter we own. Be more simple. We want to honor our values and live them to the fullest. With these dreams of ours we know there are some risks and we feel that we can chase them seeing we won't have to drag a child through them. We've always done what's right or what would be perceived as the "norm" It's time to step outside the box.