To Mom

To Mom:

You taught me how to crochet in one day. We'd sit for hours making skeins of yarn into balls.



I'd pick handfuls of dandelions you would proudly display on the windowsill.



I'd go upstairs and collect the "dirty hangers" Why empty hangers were called dirty hangers is beyond me.



We'd put my Puff The Magic Dragon 8 track in the player and listen to it before I went to school.



I was your Suzy Bell.



When I was 10....You died



I am living with my real dad and his wife now. They love me very much and treat me like their daughter. But, I still miss you, Mom.



I'd pick two handfuls of dandelions so you could put them in a jar on the windowsill, but toss them on the ground.



Man, I wish I could sit on your couch and watch you crochet.



I have learned that wanting "things" and having more is selfish.



I wish I told you I loved you on November 11th instead of getting mad that you said I couldn't have another Cabbage Patch Kid.



I wish I hugged you and told you that I loved you every day.



When I was a teenager



I'm in high school now, Mom. I wish I could tell you about the boy/boys I have a crush on.



I sit in my room crocheting while thinking of you.



Your voice is beginning to fade away now. But, I never forget the way you'd say Katherine Marie.



I go to your grave and tell you I love you and long for a hug from you.



What I wouldn't do to sit in the Church pew with you and hear you sing "Amazing Grace"



I go to my Junior and Senior Prom but you aren't there to help me get ready.



I have my first real boyfriend and fall in love, only to have my heart shattered.



I could use your advise so I go to your grave and talk to your stone.



When I am 18 I meet the love of my life. I wish you could meet him, Mom. his name is Ken. I think he is The One.



I was given the blue afghan you made. It always was my favorite. I sleep with it every night. It makes me feel like you are giving me a big hug when I have it in my arms.



I got engaged to that wonderful boy Ken, Mom. Oh how I wish I could tell you this in person rather than visiting this stone.



I took a pregnancy test and we are expecting!! You are going to be a wonderful great Grandma!! I want to rush to you and get your advice, Mom. After all you raised 10 awesome kids. Who better to talk to than you, Mom.



I'm lying here in a hospital bed. I lost the baby Mom. I had an ectopic pregnancy and they had to remove my ruptured fallopian tube. I don't know what hurts worse, the pain of losing our baby or not having you hear with me, Mom. I realize my step mom is a god send. She understands and shows me the love I know you would show.



Mom, I need you.



Today is my wedding day. I am 20 years old. I wake up and get ready all by myself. Darnit, you should have been here. You would love Ken. he treats me like gold and he's rather handsome. He wants a big family too, Mom. We played a song in yours and dad's memory and our baby's too. I hope you heard it. The whole day I thought of you. I even wore your Mother's ring to have you near.



It's my 22nd birthday I and I just found out we are pregnant. I want to share my birthday and this awesome news with you....so I close my eyes and think of you.



I can barely remember your voice now and it breaks my heart.



I really need you, Mom. We lost the baby to another ectopic pregnancy. Dreams of having a family are shattered. I could really use a hug from you right now. Our angels reside with you and Dad in heaven now.



We go through a handful of adoption processes and they never go right. I need you Mom.



I'm 35 now and it's the 25th anniversary of your passing.



I still sleep with your blue afghan every night.



I go to your grave and I smile when I think of you.



I crochet for hours on end. You have put the passion for yarn in my bones. I know, my passion is a bit extreme.



I find myself missing you more today than I ever have and I wonder how that is possible. I only had you for 10 short years. How can I miss something so bad that I barely had? Then I realize, you have always been with me, Mom. you are in my heart. You are in my thoughts.

It is you that inspires me to be the best daughter, wife, daughter in law, sister, cousin, aunt and friend I can possibly be. In those short 10 years you made such an impact on my life. I want to be a better person because of you.

I honor my husband. The love you and dad showed for one another is a mirror to the love Ken & I share. You taught me what that kind of love is and I knew what to look for. You continue to teach me every day to never give up, because, you never did.

You were full of P&V and well, Mom...I guess you could say, so am I. I do wish I could pick up the telephone or just drop by and hear your voice.



I close my eyes and I feel you in my heart. You may not be here on earth with me but, you will always reside in my heart & I can reach in there and talk to you anytime I want.



I miss you Mom



Love,

Suzy Bell