25 years

Twenty five years ago the world lost a handsome, intelligent, funny, loving man. He was a brother, an uncle, a nephew, a son, a friend, cousin, a husband, and my Dad.

Dad's passing was a blessing. He had fought the colon cancer for some time and I know he missed my mom dearly. Mom died two months before Dad. Sometimes when I think of Dad, the memories of him seem to be taken over by two times. When he had cancer, and when he didn't.

I'm not going to lie, most of the time, my memory goes to when he had cancer. I was 10yrs old when both Mom and dad died. I have horrific images forever engraved into my mind of his struggle. I don't know what was worse, seeing Dad's body slowly deteriorating or knowing and seeing that his heart was broken without my Mom.

Dad worked at the paper mill to provide for his children. Ten, including me. He was a hard worker and did his job well. He loved his children, even if the words were rarely spoken. We knew.

Before dad died I never gave it any thought on what it would be like to not have your dad and just how much he would be missed. I miss seeing him laying on the couch, eyes closed, him snoring while Andy Griffith was on the television. We'd try to change the channel and he'd pipe up "hey! I'm watching that!" WOW!! Dad had special powers! I often wondered how he did that!

I don't drink beer, nor does Ken but how I would have loved to see dad share a beer with his son in law, just like he did with my brothers numerous times. I'm pretty sure I would have twisted his arm enough to teach me how to play cribbage.

One of my special memories is when we would go camping as a family. Dad, with mom's help outfitted an old school bus into a motor home for the family. That "tan sedan" took us on some fun adventures. The funnest being the years we had our family reunions at Otter Lake in Munising, MI. I often wonder if that's why I love the area so much. It is a place of fond, fun, happy times in my family. It was a time before cancer, before colostomy bags, before oxygen tanks, before medications, before those stupid sponge swabs to moisten his mouth. It was a time of innocence. A time where not a care in the world was around me. It was a time to watch my dad drink his Strohs or Blatz while he stared at the ceiling singing "Please Release Me" while my brother Pat strummed his guitar. It was a time of Dad daring me to throw a water balloon at my brother and offering me a nickle, a dime and a quarter. Those are the times I truly miss.

I hate that cancer took my dad. I hate that he never saw me finish grade school, or meet my boyfriends and threaten them in some sort of fashion. I am sure he would of thought of something to try to "scare" them into treating his daughter right. We never had the father daughter dances or days at school. I really wished he could have been at my wedding. I know he would think Ken is pretty top notch.

Oftentimes I compare the love Ken and I share to the undying love my parents had for one another. It is when I look at Ken's and my marriage and the love we have for one another that I realize...not all of my memories of Dad revolve around cancer. Ken's love for me and his family is a mirror image of the love Dad had for mom and his family. I was able to learn what true love was in the short ten years I had my dad. Cancer didn't teach me that, dad did. That my friends is the most treasured memory and the biggest gift my daddy gave me. I miss him everyday.