Mother's Day

Nana's roses last year for Mother's Day

Your Mother Is Always With You

Your mother is always with you...
She's the whisper of the leaves

as you walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach in

your freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on your

brow when you're not well.

Your mother lives inside your laughter.

She's crystallized in every tear drop...
She's the place you came from,

your first home..

She's the map you follow with every step that you take.
She's your first love and your first heartbreak....

and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, Not space...Not even death....

will ever separate you from your mother....
You carry her inside of you....
- Sherry Martin

Today is Mother's Day and to be quite honest, it is a day I despise and have a horrible time with. I lost my Mom when I was 10 years old, the babies I carried for a couple short months are in heaven and we lost Ken's Nana ,who I was very close to, last June. This is our first Mother's Day without her. I am very blessed though to have shared some extraordinary times with Nana. I treasure the time we had with her. There are so many times I feel Nana is just a phone call away. I want to hear about her day and share mine with her. I miss her asking about her "grand dogs" and the hours we'd spend talking about crocheting. I just miss her.

It didn't seem right not buying her a Mother's Day card yesterday when I was at the store. For the 16 years Ken & I have been together I have picked out 15 Mothers Day cards for her. This was the first year I haven't. Each year we would scour the stores for "Nana" cards. There would be 2, maybe 3 Nana themed cards...all of which looked like they were from a 2 year old grandchild. But every year she got a Nana card. Well, yesterday while picking out Ken's mom's, his grandma's and my step mom's card I ran across at least 12 Nana themed cards. I actually had to leave the aisle before I lost it. What can I say, Hallmark knows how to get the waterworks working on me.

Yesterday in Nana's memory I purchased one dozen pink roses and put them in the vase we bought for her last year. We filled the vase with two dozen pink roses last year. Our dining room table looks so cheery and remembering how much Nana enjoyed pink roses brings a smile to my face. I am also honored that I was given Nana's Mother's Ring after she passed away. I wear it daily and am honored the family chose me to have it.

We will be going to Ken's grandparents house for a steak dinner. It's usually a great time with amazing wonderful people. I find myself wanting to stay home or work in the garden. Last year the ladies were all in the house while the guys manned the BHG (big honkan grill). Well, Ken's aunt told me that I should be outside cooking with the guys, that this day was for Mom's and I wasn't one...Yeah....ouch!! It's not like I chose for our babies to go to Heaven... Tears welled up and I went out of the house faster than a bullet speeding out of a gun. You can see why I don't want to go...but I will, for Grandma and my mother in law. Might need to wear some earplugs or take separate vehicles.

I never thought I would find myself missing my Mom so much after not having her for 24 years...but I do. I wish I had the opportunity of cooking side by side in the kitchen with my Mom. The house we own used to be owned by my parents very good friends. My parents have many many memories in this house. I feel close to them somehow by living here.

I wish she could see the things I crochet now. She put the love of yarn into my soul and then years later Ken's Nana inspired me to pick my hook back up. I owe a lot to those two amazing ladies. I wish Ken could have met my Mom. I am certain she'd love him and he'd feel the same. She was one heckuva lady. Classy, yet down to Earth. Who else could lift their butt up and let one rip. Yes, my Mom did that.

There are so many times I could use her advice and her guidance. She inspired me. There have been so many events and things that have happened that I wish she could have been there. I missed having her talk to me about boys, helping me get ready for a school dance, teaching me how to curl my hair, attending my track meets. teaching me how to put on makeup, doing laundry, first boyfriend, breakups, teenage awkward years, braces, prom, graduation, Ken, my wedding, being pregnant and then to be there when we lost our babies. I would have liked my Mom there for that. I know she was in spirit though and there have been so many times I can feel her presence and I know she is with me, guiding me and her memory, along with Nana's continue to inspire me. I can still to this day hear Mom say "Katherine Marie" and that makes me smile.

Mother's Day brings mixed emotions but there is still reason to celebrate. I have an amazing Mother in law and Ken's grandma is one amazing woman as well. I have a step mom who loves me no matter how much heck I gave her. I may not have humanoid children to make Mother's Day seem possible for a gal like me, but I do have the best furry, reptilian, swimmy "children" a gal could ever ask for. =)

Hug your Mom, tell her how much she means to you, pamper her, make those memories that will last a lifetime and bring you inspiration and carry you through the years.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all my beautiful friends. Aunties, sister's and all you wunnaful ladies....whether you have human, furry, reptilian, fishy or whatever "children" you have, enjoy your day. It was made for you =)