Barely Recognizable

Watching the sunset over Lake Superior this summer

It's never too late to become what you might have been ~George Eliot

I have had this quote rolling around in my head for some time now. It fills me with hope, reflection and inspiration.

Most people know me at the happy go lucky gal who has it all. I am usually happy go lucky but what I have is too much. I have a constant struggle with this & I long to have a more simplistic life. I wonder often how we allowed ourselves to get back into this need to have, want to have type of life again. Let's back up a few years.

In 2003 we lost our first house after living there for seven years. Talk about embarrassing and humbling. After much influence and bad choices on our part we were forced to move out and forfeit everything we worked so hard for. We sold the nice pickup for less than what we owed, lost the home that we spent so much time working on. The same home we bought right before our 1st anniversary, had gutted down to the studs, and rebuilt. The same home that had the little veggie garden and a few flower gardens. The same home that we conceived our 2nd baby in, and lost it in. So many memories were left there.

After we lost the house we bought an old 5th wheel camper for $3000 and parked it in Kens parents yard. We would stay in that when we were not on the road which was about 3 days a month. We drove a pickup truck we bought for $300 from the neighbor...and we were fine. When our world was falling apart is when we, as a couple came together the most. We have always had an amazing relationship and we've gone through many struggles and heartache. But this event brought us closer & showed us the true people we were. We didn't need all the "stuff" We were happy.

During the three years of living in the camper and semi we logged thousands upon thousands of miles traveling in the semi. We traveled through all of the 48 continental United States and Many Providences in Canada. Everything that mattered was in that truck and that was each other, and our 4 dogs. Home was where the heart was...and our hearts were together. That is all that mattered.

After almost three full years of living in the semi & camper we were told by a family friend about her parents home going up for sale. They offered it to us at a great price. We decided we'd check it out, knowing that our credit was less than desirable. Ken told me if I liked the house to put money down on it...which I did. Then came the intense paperwork and jumping through this hoop and that hoop. By Ken's busting his butt on the road and my perseverance with the lenders I was able to secure financing for our home we are in now.

We were so excited on that October afternoon when we were given the keys and signed the papers. When we walked in the house we both began opening cupboards, imagining the food that would be made in the kitchen, running up and down the stairs, laying on the carpet and turning the faucet on & off. (Due to the fact that we were never home we didn't have running water or a working toilet in the camper. We bought a porta pottie unit from Walmart that we used in the camper & semi) We were ecstatic...and yet still simple. We had an old white pickup that we purchased from my cousin for $1000& a used Grand Am we purchased from a dealer that lends to anybody..even with crummy credit...and we were happy with that.

Now, four years later we find ourselves back to having it all. I mean seriously, who needs 3 honkan huge big screen televisions, a few computers, enough electronicals to choke a herd of elephants. The more we have or want the more Ken works. We have the fancy shmancy pickup truck all decked out with chrome that houses an 8.1 engine. That basically means we pour oodles of liquid gold aka $$$into it's tank and get a mere 9.66 mph on the highway. We have the camper, the Suburban. As hard as it is to admit, I have entirely too much Christmas stuff. Seriously, 99% of our attic is tubs of Christmas stuff. I am certain that I could decorate at least 10 businesses downtown with all of it. Do I really need it? no. We have the big three person exercise workout station and the top notch treadmill...neither ever get used...but somehow it was a necessity when purchased. I wonder how in the heck we got to where we are now from the people that we were just 4yrs ago.

I have expressed these thoughts to Ken numerous times. Although I am thankful for everything he does to provide us with these things, I don't need it all. In fact, there are things I don't even want but continue to pay for because he wants them. Where have the days of digging out a board game and sitting at the table to play gone? We do that on rare occasion but really...So much of our time is spent watching shows we DVR'd because he was on the road...working, to provide cable...that he never gets to watch...because he is working. How much sense does that make?

I long for that more simplistic life. I don't care if someone looks at us funny because I don't have it all. We got so much of that when we lost the house and it's no big deal at all. Through the ordeal of losing the house we found out who our true friends were...and believe me, there weren't many who stuck around. Plus we had each other & looking out our windshield was a postcard. We were blessed without even realizing it.

I know how and enjoy growing food, canning & preserving it, crocheting afghans, slippers, toys, clothes, dishcloths for the home & gifts, sew and quilt. I make our laundry soap, spin yarn, love hanging clothes on the line. There is so much more I'd like to learn and implement. I am able to make do...and God forbid...GO WITHOUT!! I enjoy the almost choreographed dance we do in our small kitchen when we cook together. We have it down pat so we don't knock each other over but still are able to prepare food together. There is nothing better than taking a ride to the woods and foraging for blueberries, baking from scratch, watching a sunset. You know, the simple things in life people all too often ignore.

What do we really "need"? For me, I know...and had it all 4yrs ago when we had basically nothing but one another. What do I desire or hope? To get rid of the stuff we don't need. Donate, give away, sell, re purpose into something useful. Simplify our lives. We don't need all this stuff. I will work my hardest at doing what I can to simplify...Each week I will do something...

This quote reminds me that with dedication and hope I can & will become the me I want to be. I don't have to follow what people view as the "American Dream" to have happiness and be successful.