Coming to terms

I sit here thinking…just random thoughts firing off in my brain.



We’ve finally gotten to the acceptance place of not ever having kids & becoming a family once again. Time & time again we allowed ourselves to get our hopes up & time & time again for whatever reason it just never works out. To let ourselves continue on the emotional rollercoaster is mentally & physically draining.





I’ve always envisioned my life with 5 kids. Three girls and 2 boys. Heck I’ve had favorite names for as long as I can remember. We tried the old fashioned way but the entopic pregnancies in 95 & 97 left me a “unplumbed” woman. I knew at age 22 we would not have children of our own. Well unless we did invitro & that’s just not something I myself believe in for myself. To other couples it is an option & that is totally swell. But not for us. I can’t see injecting 5 to 7 embryos into my womb in hopes that 1 would “take”. Now, go figure. If only 1 takes the remaining are lost babies. Emotionally that is not an option. We lost two & that was hard enough. Then we have the adoption nightmares. To come so close only to have everything crumble from under us was beyond gut retching.








But yeah…things are so different for Ken & I. We love our life, love the spur of the moment events and not having the responsibility of caring for a kiddo. Right now most of our friends are raising their kiddos & are unable to do those spur of the moment events like we can. We have some close friends who have remained close even though they have kiddos & then there are some for whatever reason just can’t find time to keep in touch with us. No, I can’t put my two cents in on potty training a kiddo, or those 1st steps & what not. I however do absolutely enjoy hearing of their kiddos milestones.








I love having lil nieces & nephews. I know I say that all the time but I really do!! I don’t see them often enough & they grow up way too fast. But I hope that I am a good example for them. I enjoy their company & it gives me that inner peace about not being able to have kiddos of our own. I can hopefully instill some values in them & share in their life experiences & be their friend at the same time. I’m so very thankful for those little people in my life. I imagine the next best thing to being a parent is being an aunty & a friend to my friend’s kiddos as well. And I am A OK with that!! =)