Will it ever go away?

You know how when you’re sick you have oodles of time on your hand to think about things? Well that is how this past weekend was for me. Ken went on a short run on Wednesday & got home late that night. What was supposed to be a quick jaunt to WI turned into a long day. Ken came down with the nasty flu bug that’s going around. Poor guy. While he was on his way home I went grocery shopping & on a mission to keep the nasty bug from invading my system. I decided I’d give airborne a try, stocked up on OJ, toilet paper, Kleenex & made home made turkey noodle soup. I knew Ken was in for a doozy!! Or so I thought. I started with a nasty sore throat, coughing, sneezing & we quickly went through the boxes of Kleenex’s so my best friend became a roll of toilet paper. Then it hit me!!! The flu that is!!! YUCK!!!!!

Friday was horrible. Especially having only 1 bathroom & two heines in need of the toilet!! So not cool. Sure we can choreograph our movements much like a dance in our tiny kitchen but give us a grumbling tummy & 1 toilet….it’s not that easy!!! We missed the Christmas Parade downtown Friday night. =( Totally saddens me!! I have yet to see the parade downtown at night. This is the 3rd running of it at night! GRRRRRR. Darn flu!!! We did watch the NACSAR Award banquet though…which totally rocked my socks!!! We decided we’d go to Christmas In The Village on Saturday afternoon & meet some friends there. I could handle that. At least we’d get some Christmas cheer. WRONG!!! Ken was doing better but I was completely on shut down & out of commission. Not only did I have the flu but my MM was on one heck of a rampage. Darn me for making comments about having that under control!!! So, Ken rented movies & we sat around all day. I’m not one to sit through more than 1 movie let alone 4!!! But we squeezed them all in.

Yesterday was another movie watching day. Ken rented another 4 movies. And guess what? Yup, we watched all 4 of them!! I had a doozy of an attack yesterday. I try to hide them from Ken for the most part but yesterday I totally blew it when I went to dump my glass of soda in the sink & totally missed it by a long shot. Hey, I could have sworn the sink was where I aimed. Apparently not! It’s funny now but not yesterday. I left the kitchen feeling like a total jackass. So, needless to say after than not so swell event Ken made the soup for dinner & brought it to me so I wouldn’t make a mess. Bless his cute lil head!!!! =)

All this downtime made me one frumpy frog though & I have way too much on my mind. It would be hard for people to believe but this time of year gets me down sometimes. I try to stay positive & let the past be past. Like the saying goes, Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present…that’s why they call it a gift. I try my hardest to live by those words. But for some time there are some things that have been eating at my happiness for some time now. It’s time such as the flu, MM attacks that I have only but time that alots itself to these “things”

Last night as I laid in bed tossing & turning my thoughts began festering. Why is it that after 2yrs I cannot stand to be in the same room as this one person? The person who stole my very dream at having a family through lies, deciet & selfishness. The selfishness is never ending, putting themselves before their kids. But yet the government rewards them!!! I could go on but I don’t want to ruin my whole day.

Another thing…The economy sucks sumthin fierce right now as we all know. We have people losing their homes, their jobs, their pride. People who WANT to work, people who are not ashamed to work at McDonald’s or in other non big time jobs but yet there are still people who have jobs whining about having to go to work each day! It boggles my mind at the ignorance of these people!!! I swear, if I were a manager of some sort somewhere & heard such a statement the person would be crap canned & the job would be given to someone who is willing & WANTING to work!!!

What about the people who “mooch” from the system? I’m not talking about the good citizens down on their luck, sick or incapable of working. I’m talking about the baby grunter-outers, the professional Welfare bums. The ones who figure “why bother when we can get it for free” bums. The people us working class support!!!

This Christmas I say it’ll be different. Because this Christmas we don’t have our hearts out there to be broken. We aren’t in the process of any adoptions…nobody can hurt us. No family member stealing our dream, no other potential family brought into the picture….but yet it’s killing my yuletide joy. Last year was happy, the year before that I wish never happened.
Ugh, all this frustration…all this hurt…will it ever just go away?

I want Christmas to be special. I want to find the happiness. I find it in many moments but it quickly gets sucked out of me when I remember the hurt, the lies, the deceit.

Today Ken will be leaving to go back to work after a long 4 day weekend due to that not so swell flu-bug that invaded Woodbury-ville. Me, I’m still dizzy as all heck but am determined as all heck to re-discover my Yuletide Joy!!! I need to snap out of this funktifiedfunk and make some Christmas cookies or something. It’s not like me to be so frumpy & let past circumstances rule my present….which is a gift =)

Reminder to self: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery…today is a present. That’s why we call it a gift.